1. I will read, study, write, watch, listen to, buy and do anything I want, anytime I want, and leave it all out in the open and not hide it for fear of recrimination or fear of having it thrown away, or having to answer for myself to an ignorant clod of a husband who has no tolerance for the parts of me that make me different from him. Including my gender. In short, I will be nothing less than MYSELF.
CHECK!
2. I will leave the bed unmade. Always. Except for when I'm expecting company.
CHECK! And sometimes I leave the bed unmade, even when I do have company.
3. I will no longer fear that, when the telephone rings, the person on the other end might be my mother-in-law.
Oh, zippedee-do-dah, CHECK! Though now, when the phone rings and the number is unrecognizable, I tend to worry that it's a bill collector. But at least it isn't the wicked chicken hawk of Middle Europe.
4. On weekdays, I will leave the breakfast dishes in the sink until after I get home and dinner has been eaten.Well, SORT-OF. Living with mom and dad pretty much precludes treating the house as if it were my own. Except when they go out of town. In which case, yes, I leave the morning dishes in the sink to worry about after work and after dinner.
5. I will burn incense and leave fragrant candles and sachets all over the place, and I won't have to smell the stink of metabolized alcohol anymore.Again, SORT-OF. No stink of metabolized alcohol haunts my olfactory nerves, anymore. But Dad prohibits the use of candles and incense. When I think back, there was no issue against burning candles in our house when I was married. Rather, it was the scent that the ex was bitchy about. So, while I can't burn candles in my parents' house, I can scent my room as I wish. Burning candles at will, will happen when I'm out on my own... And that's another to-do list, entirely.
6. I'll go to bed any damn time I want and not have to wait until hubby leaves for work late at night so I can chain the door at his insistence (even tho I've told him that one good kick by anyone who wants to get in would rip the chain right out of the jamb, which makes it pretty much useless).CHECK!
7. And on that note, I will chain the door during the day if I feel like it, even tho he won't let me chain the door when he's home. (figure that one out)
CHECK. The doors around here are locked 24-7, anyway. This one's pretty much a non-issue.
8. I will sleep with the windows open.
CHECK, CHECK, CHECK!!!
9. I will sleep with my bedroom door closed.
Oh, CHECK! And I can even lock it, if I want to. Ah, bliss...
10. I will live in peace in my own home.
CHECK. Yes, I live in peace, but in my parents' home, as I've already mentioned. Since the family moved here when I was only 17, I definitely consider it my home, if not independent living.
11. Once more, I will be MYSELF.
INDEED.
In all, I would have to say that I've accomplished my goals. And as these ideals have been met, I've been creating a new list of things I will do when I'm finally independent.
1. I'd like to own a house. Or, for the sake of convenience, a townhouse. I will burn candles with abandon, yummy-scented ones.
2. I'll burn incense, too, on occasion. There are a few varieties I really like, but incense in general tends to leave a pervasive funky odor behind that doesn't appeal to me.
3. I'll leave my purse, shoes, jacket and keys wherever I please. I'd really like to be able to set my keys down on a hall bench or a table, or a kitchen counter near the door. My shoes, too. I want to be able to say, THIS is where my keys go, my purse goes, my shoes and jacket. I'm tired of storing everything in my one bedroom, and having no other place in the house to claim as my own.
4. Providing there's space, at my own discretion, I will leave oft-used toiletry articles on the bathroom counter. Perfume, for instance. Hand lotion. Face moisturizer. Things I easily forget to use unless they are right there in front of me, as I'm getting ready for work. Or for my boyfriend. Or for bed.
5. I'd like to walk around my place in just my t-shirt. Or naked from the bathroom to my bedroom or in just a towel.
6. I'd like to wake up in the morning with my boyfriend at my side, then make breakfast for him. I suppose this can be done now, providing he's able to stay the entire night, but this is something I'd rather keep private, between me and my S.O. Not something I'd like to share with my parents in the morning.
7. My space will be my own. I will walk from room to room, knowing each space is mine, and I will place things as I wish.
When I compare the two lists, I see the first is all about expressing myself, being who I am, and being allowed to explore myself and my opportunities.
The second list seems to be about privacy and territory issues. While I love my parents and don't mind living with them, it's still not my space. The only area I have as my own is my room, where everything I own is stored. I can't leave my book in the living room, or my keys or purse on the counter, or my shoes by the door. I can't leave oft-used mundane items on the bathroom counter, or a cup in the sink. I can't have my espresso machine on the counter, or a shelf in the cabinet, but a single drawer in the fridge for my own. I can't complain, but...
While I live in peace now, and am happy, and am at liberty to be myself, I still need my own space. I'm not quite an adult, yet, but that, too, will come in time. Perhaps in four years, I'll revisit this new list and smile, because these things will have long been accomplished... And then realize I have a new list of goals and desires to share.
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| Life's simplest pursuits lead to one's greatest joys. |
