so i'm sitting on my bed tonight, too tired to play my computer game, but not quite able to turn off the computer. i keep feeling like there's some kind of unfinished business here, until i realize it's been far too long since i've written, and maybe i should finally make an effort at something. surely, i should write something? but what have i to say that isn't about my ex-husband and his narcissism? i don't know. maybe i can skirt the issue?
my eyes keep darting to the clock, and my heart jumps as i see the minutes, the half-hours, are slipping by too fast. and then i remind myself, "it's okay. you have tomorrow off. and the next day, too. and then it's the weekend. you can stay up and sleep in as late as you want."
within reason, of course, because tomorrow, i have to go back and pick up my check from work.
things are getting sticky with the divorce and custody: ex-husband is chronically misbehaving. i think he's losing his mind. or else it seems more profound to me because i'm no longer living in the midst of his madness...
in the meantime, i have three weeks of uninterrupted time with my son, with the exception of a daily phone call to his daddy. or rather, the many-times-a-day frantic phone calls from my ex to our son because the ex is suffering separation anxiety...
tonight, my sweet boy finally noticed i'm not wearing my wedding ring. i haven't worn it since i left my husband in april. this was a solemn discovery for him. "you're not going to be married to daddy, anymore?" he asked me.
"no, sweetie," i said. "that's why we're not living with him now."
we've covered this ground a handful of times, already, but it seems he forgets the bottom line. rather like all the times i've panicked about the time, tonight, before remembering i don't have to wake up at 4 am tomorrow...
