In short, in general, in a nutshell

Life has certainly been taking me for a ride, that's for sure. Since coming back to Chicago, I've reacquainted myself with many old friends. My relationship with my husband is fast deteriorating, and I'm struggling to maintain my own identity.

In the meantime, an old friendship with a married ex-boyfriend is complicating itself. Someone I've known for nearly 20 years... It had been nearly eight years since we'd seen each other (since shortly before my own wedding, as a matter of fact, a friendly dinner and a long chat), and some very very disturbing issues have surfaced. Oh, why do things have to be so complicated???

My family and I are moving from my parents' home next week, to our own apartment the next town over. I had other plans concerning our living together, alone. I had meant to not leave this house with my husband. I had meant to let him go on alone. I had meant to leave him behind.

But the situation here prevents that from happening at this time. Now, I have to regroup and replan. And struggle with a divided heart on two fronts. I have lots of guilt about wanting to leave my husband, which makes the deed so very difficult, tho it's what my heart wants.

I believed in a fairy tale, and now I'm paying the price... and so is my family. I need enormous strength straighten out this mess. The frightening part is that the hardest part still lies ahead...

It's been far too long...

I don't know what to write about these days that isn't about my husband and marriage.

Things are crazy, and it's all the same crazy stuff.

Feeling distraught, stressed, depressed, elated, confident and in dire need of validation--all at once.

It's a regular rollercoaster ride, here.

Wish I could skip ahead a few years so I can bypass this unpleasant time...